Oh, hey.

 

It’s September, 18th.

It’s been nearly 4 months since I have had the where with all to write a sentence on here. Below is my explanation.

1. Sometimes a person needs a break.
2. Also, my child covered my laptop in water.  I’ve  only now gotten around to finding a solution that enables the keyboard and mouse to function, as I was for darn sure not going to write blogs on an iPhone.  I hate that thing.
3. This summer has been exhausting and coherent sentences were the last thing on my priority list. Why?
   1. This pregnancy (baby 5 whoo hoo! Dream come true, I want to be surrounded by children as much as they turn my hair grey and destroy the elasticity in my skin. I’m digressing, sorry.)  This pregnancy has been tough thus far.  All day sickness, plus new found Lyme disease, plus trying to stay present with your already born 4 children and husband has proven to be my Everest.  Mike deserves a medal, a long vacation to Cabo with copious amounts of Cas Amigos, and more.  But not unlimited amounts of soccer watching.  There’s an end to my gratitude and watching sports is that end. Moving on.
   2. We’ve been busy.  The end.
4. Between Covid-19, racial injustice and continued mud-slinging politics, my brain has been on overload at the condition of the United States.  There’s been at times, no words.  And still, even if I had words, I felt like it was an appropriate time to listen and just hush… educate myself on lots of things and soberly digest this cluster, understand how we arrived here, how we’ve been here for a while as the USA, and what I can do to participate in healthy change.

So, that my dears hopefully explains my hiatus.

Anyway, what to write about.  Options:

Carry on telling you how overwhelming/brutal/and beautiful life is purely to make you feel better about life?   That would work.  Or, I could get on a soapbox and empty my windpipes about an number of things.  However, and quite frankly, I deleted my facebook account because I could no longer listen to the windpipe-emptying soapboxing.  Break was needed, so I don’t think I’ll do that today.

I think instead I will go spiritual.

On my calendar it says that today, September 18th is the first day of Rosh Hashanah.  I am not Jewish, maybe I should explore being a messianic Jew, because I love Jesus.. but anyway, Jesus was Jewish so I’m interesting in exploring the practices and rituals of His faith tradition.  So, here I go.

What is Rosh Hashanah? (Please any Jewish friends, please add your two or three cents to this.  My research depth is as shallow as my google search bar today. It’s all I got for now, but I will commit to widening my understanding of your amazing faith).  In the interim, please be patient with me.

For the un-educated like me, here’s quick info.  (info absorbed from this link, super helpful) Rosh Hashanah is the start of the Jewish new year as stated in the Bible,  (Leviticus 23:23-31). Rosh Hashanah lasts from sunset tonight until sunset on Sunday Sept. 20th.  It’s a two day time out to share meals and pray with ones you love… leading up to Yom Kippur, a time to focus on repentance (figuring out what to change, our wrongs) and reflection of actions of the year gone by.

I have to say, I’m totally down with this.  First of all, to celebrate our New Year in January makes zero sense to me.  Theory:  The world basically goes on a break in the summer.  EVERYTHING starts again in September.  Businesses switch into high gear, schools return and so on.  It just seems like the world re-generates in September.  So I am down with this whole new year new start in September vibe.  it is completely logical and smart if you ask me.  I’ve said this at least three times in the last few weeks, not knowing what Rosh Hashanah meant, that New Year should be in September because the world seems to un-pause.  New strategies for all of life are re-evaluated in the fall. How to do this, how to do that.  etc.  So New Year right now makes all the sense in the world to me.

To me, New Year (Rosh Hashanah and it’s spiritual practice) and ‘Fall’ seem to be two sides of the same coin.  To move forward, to change, to think about things gone by, I NEED things to fall from my life, deliberately.  Things that just don’t work anymore.  Things I have done wrong.  Things we have done wrong as a body of humans.  Habits, thoughts, routines, limits I’ve adopted as ‘THE limit’ when I know inside I can adjust. I don’t mean in terms of squeezing more things into life.  I mean my capacity to love, let go and to evolve..  Adversely, stupid expectations of self.  Relationships that just need to have the volume turned down.  Refocusing on the centrality of what really matters.

Sidebar: Maybe this is pre-emptive of me approaching my 40’s.  Ive heard countless women say that something just shifts when they hit their 40’s.  Things they used to care about just don’t matter whatsoever.  It’s like approaching the 40’s is one big ‘let things fall from life’ session but somehow this just happens naturally?

Anyway, I’m rambling here, thoughts are spewing from my brain and I really don’t intend on editing this because it’s pizza night and my pepperoni slices await as well do my little munchkins and king of hotness…

In short I’m Rosh Hashanah, New Year, letting things fall away sounds perfect to me right now.  And I don’t think it’s coincidental that all of this happens in ‘the Fall’ time of year (well, in this hemisphere anyway).  Using the imagery of  the leaves on the trees during autumn; Green to yellow, yellow to orange, orange to red, red to brown, brown to the leaves effortlessly and gracefully disconnect from the branches and dance onto the earth’s.  The leaves return to the ground.  They disintegrate and go back to their state of origin.  Soil.  And so the cycle of life and growth starts again.  Starting over.  It’s a rebirth, a birthday, a New Year.  And all interwoven is a concept of things simply, and purposely fall.

Rest, refresh, renew.

For me, after this gauntlet of a year, I need some things to fall.  I need to see where things aren’t green, where the colors are changing, to notice what needs to detach from me and me from it, whatever IT is… to let what needs to disintegrate, disintegrate.. and go back to a purer more original state of myself.  I need a fresh start.  Mamma’s tired.  In every sense. I need things to fall so that there is space for new life, new growth.  Not forgetting things and lessons learned but actually taking those things and lessons learned and observed and specifically allowing those things to change me through and through.  The simple to the complex back to simple again, I need Fall.  I want fall.  I’m ready.  I need to celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

I need a minute.  Not alone.  But with my wonderfuls.  I need the still.  I need a pause.  I need these two days to quiet my soul and to listen with my eyes, ears, brain and body.

So Rosh Hashanah, I’m think a little in love with you.  Tonight I will eat, pray and spend time with my green and brown eyed loves.  I will look and savor the moment that I have right now, and I will posture myself to get into a place where I’m ready to reflect on what needs to fall.  And actually, what’s ASKING me to fall.  I think if I slow down and pause long enough, I’ll be able to hear that ask…

This weekend, I will rest in this, and devote this practice to the God who I trust holds us all.  For now, that’s all.  Happy New Year.